I Wish Charles Band Would Stop Making F###ing Puppet Master Movies.

When is he going to quit?

As if the last few weren't wretched enough, Charles Band is releasing yet another terrible Puppet Master movie. Is anyone still watching these things? Maybe not--but they cost so little to produce, it doesn't take much of an audience to warrant making another, and hey, at least a handful of folks will fork over money for the new action figures, which will be priced at approximately 400,000 times their worth.

Here's an example of what one of the new toys will look like. In typical Charles Band fashion, the toys are available for sale long before the film's release.

Blitzkrieg is the name of the puppet. And he's easily the dopiest-looking puppet since Decapitron, from the mid-90s.

I did watch the last Puppet Master movie. It was the first one in years, so I watched it, but with low expectations, having seen several of the newer Full Moon movies, none of which are very good. What the hell happened to Charles Band? I know he doesn't care much about anything besides money, but the major faults of these movies lie not in the ultra-low budgets but in the almost non-existent writing. I'll be the last person to say the old Full Moon films had great stories or scripts, but they were written in a fun, B-movie kind of way. You could usually tell that the people making them were having a good time doing it. The new movies Band cranks out typically have about one original thought in ninety minutes.

Actually, Demonic Toys 2 didn't even have one.

The man clearly doesn't give a shit about making movies, only money. But I wish he'd leave the Puppet Master series alone.

I don't think I'm going to rent Puppet Master: Axis Rising. At this point even I'm out.